The Prince of Wales has watched a bear do its business in the woods.

The exact species of bear is unknown, but it was described by a member of the royal entourage as "boss-eyed and built like a brick shithouse".

Frog's arseholes

"I always thought it was just a saying, but bears really do shit in the woods," said the Prince in an interview with the Evening Standard.

"And that's not it," continued the next in line to the throne.

"It struck me, while relaxing in the palace gardens the other day, that frogs' arseholes are watertight.

"They must be. If they weren't, they'd sink like a f*****g stone."

Whopping great tits

While the Standard reporter packed away his notepad, the Prince blathered:

"On a trip to Dallas in the eighties, I met Dolly Parton. That poor girl, I tell you, can only sleep on her back."

In other news, the Evening Standard has
a front page story on the Prince's observation that house prices in the capital have risen quite a lot.

Hairy bollocks

The prince observed that soaring prices "are putting home ownership further and further out of reach for young Londoners."

As the royal security guards bundled the prince into a waiting car, he was heard mumbling to Camilla: "Did you know that yetis have hairy bollocks?"