, London Money, will be somewhere towards the front of the queue rubbing on his Factor 50, crossing himself frantically and repenting all those 125% LTV mortgages he sold back in 2007 to people who, only now, are emerging from the financial rubble.

Being a man of limited imagination and provincial stock, he'll almost certainly have some onions and a clove of garlic around his neck, too.




All the above, of course, is thoroughly misleading and utterly groundless. For starters, I have only met the man two or three times, and on each occasion it was all perfectly civil. He is a thoroughlydecent chap with a forensic understanding of the mortgage market, plenty of happy clients and a successful (well, semi-successful — otherwise he wouldn’t be working with me) business.

But sometimes, especially on Twitter, you get the feeling that darker forces are at play. Also, character assassination is considerablymore fun than being nice. Oh, and he did leave our last meeting in Green Park after just one Stella, which raises no end of questions.




Either way, I must be nice to Martin on this occasion, as tomorrow I'm going to be sending him an invoice — and his response times when it comes to supplier payments are already verging on the glacial.

The invoice, just enough to cover a half decent bottle of red, is for the frankly mind-blowing media coverage that Just In Time PR bagged the miserable old sod on the back of the latest Bank of England mortgage approvals data published this morning.


he is delivering shards of home loan brilliance in top financial rag,City AM. All while maintaining the illusion with clients that he is sane.




If you, too, would like this kind of quality media exposure for your brand — all for the price of a bottle of gluggable Rioja — just sign up to Just In Time PR today.

We'll only ever charge you if you get media coverage, and if you're able to drink more than one Stella before disappearing off to Tunbridge Wells with a half-arsedexcuse, we'll give you a great big discount the first time you use us, too.