A week or so back I published my
we'd advertised.

Both contained an imaginative range of expletives, a bleak sense of humour, a latent violence and more than a hint of despair: key qualities of anyone who's going anywhere in life.

Thing is, compared to the cover letter that landed in my inbox a couple of days later, they read like a Maeve Binchy novel.

This was my kind of disturbed.

I laughed so deep the old girl sat next to me on the train could smell my ancestors.
Bad news

Unfortunately, I have some bad news for you.

As much as I'd love to share this cover letter with you in full, the powers that be have said no way.




It was so extreme that some idiot who thinks anything matters in life might just take offence.

So I'm only going to publish the fluffy stuff.
Slinky winky
In his omniscience, the author of the cover letter was acutely aware of my dilemma: to publish or not.

He emailed me the following the next day:

Curious to meet this force of nature, I emailed him suggesting we should meet.

His reply?

G4S

I'm still umming and aahing about this. My instinct says yes, but I'm not sure I can afford G4S.

Maybe you can help me decide?Here are some of the more acceptable lines from the cover letter.

Coffee or cops?

So would you meet up with this person on Thursday for a coffee and croissant?

Or would you just call the cops?

I'd be grateful if you could tell me by completing the titchy poll below.

[polldaddy poll=7513384]

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