Are you, like me, sick to death of all these bovine 'content (marketing) experts' telling us how to write 'great content'?

Content marketers, let's face it, have no idea. They're geeks, minus the talent.

They're the kind of people who, when you were growing up, made an eighth last a week (and smoked it with 'Drum' rather than Marlboro Reds).

They're the kind of people who drank Flowers Original when everyone else was necking 1664s and chewing on a jackpot.

Dazed face

Thankfully, all is not lost.The cavalry is coming.

It's blue, yellow and gleaming; think big lumps of brown meat, dazed faces, hooves and four stupid legs. Neighhhh!

The cavalry is me.

Here's all you need to know about content. Everything else? Ignore it.

That's it. Now fark off.